The last 2 days have been very difficult for me. I'm not going through some traumatic event, I haven't lost my job, I haven't broken up with my girlfriend and my parents are not getting divorced. It's been difficult for me because i've let myself go. I felt that since i've lost so much weight, one day of messing up won't hurt anything. I've gotten to this point multiple times in the past and many of those times were the moments I gave up on losing weight. 1 day turned into 2 days and 2 days turned into 2 weeks. Well, not this time. Let me explain my thought processes of the last 2 days.
On Monday, I weighed myself and I was ecstatic about how much weight I had lost. Then I thought about how much weight I had lost total, and I was completely blown away! I figured that I would reward myself by not watching what I ate all day. Now, I didn't stuff my face with chocolate and cookies and chips all day, but I did eat more than average portions. Then, THE time came. The time that usually haunts me, the time tricks my stomach into telling me it's hungry, the time I like to call "After 11 p.m.". Yup, that's the time I have difficulty with. I am known to binge after that time. I have been excellent at not doing so since i've started this adventure 6 weeks ago, but Monday night got the best of me. The excitement of losing all that weight got to me and I rewarded myself a little too much. I binged quite a bit that night and ate almost anything I could find. I felt like crap after doing it though. For the first time in a long time, I was not proud of myself.
Today, Tuesday, was another story. I was stressed all day long because I was going to the doctor to get the results of some routine blood tests I did last week. The doctor called me on Friday and told me he wanted to see me. That's never a good sign. I was worried and stressed all weekend and all day today. For the first half of the day I ate well. Had breakfast and a light lunch. Then it was off to the doctor's office. When all was said and done, I was healthy! I was going to LIVE! The only thing was that my cholesterol was .05 more than the ideal limit. He assured me that this was nothing to worry about at all and that I should just keep it in my mind. I felt like I was on cloud 9. I felt rejuvenated. I felt happy. And what am I known to do when i'm happy? I eat of course! I ate a large supper then I snacked almost all night. I'm embarassed to say but I even had a large bowl of potato chips. Once again, I felt like crap after doing soon and I still feel like crap while writing this sentence. Needless to say, I was not proud of myself.
Will I let this get me down? No. Well I continue this trend tomorrow? No. Will this mark the end of my weight loss journey? HELL NO! I intend to get back on the right track tomorrow morning as soon as I get up. I had my "fun" for 2 days, now it's back to work. I don't feel proud that I did this but in some way I felt like it was necessary. It was necessary to feel what it's like to get off track and to not feel good about it. Eating less and eating healthier foods is difficult sometimes but the feeling you get when you step on that scale is priceless and it's better than any feeling you get after eating a large bowl of potato chips.
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